Misguided Giving

I had the strangest dream. In the dream I was in a battle of some sort. I felt weak and I knew that I had been injured and was in the process of healing. Then I began to examine myself. In the dream I was wearing some sort of long skirt, it was soft and white which was very unusual for me, I usually wear jeans. I turned slightly away and lifted my skirt, exposing my thigh. On my thigh it looked like I had a big wound that had formed a scab. My first instinct was, leave it alone, it will eventually heal. I knew if I picked at it I would only make it worse and cause it to bleed, maybe get infected, and definitely add to the scarring.

It just didn’t look right. I couldn’t recall being wounded there. I gently touched the bottom edge and to my horror, I realized it wasn’t a scab at all. It was some type of huge parasite! It had attached itself to me and was sustaining its life by living off of me. I began to lift it from the bottom edge. I took a firm grip in my hand and pulled it completely off in one ripping motion. It looked like some type of crustacean, like a giant lobster-like shellfish. I woke up but the dream lingered.

God sometimes speaks to me metaphorically in my dreams. He is faithful to get his messages to me in ways I can understand. He doesn’t seem to mind that I need the Bible, sermons, folks at the mall and often audio visual-aids!

I knew in my heart He was speaking to me.

For a long time I had skirted over issues, I avoided confrontation, believing it would only make matters worse.

 I knew that I needed to handle some things. I felt drained. There was an energy crisis. The price of oil had gone up, not the kind that fuels cars; it was the kind that fuels people. It was as if the hand of grace had lifted and there were some issues I would not be allowed to skirt anymore.

Revelation is like that, it’s a cosmic epiphany that provokes changes in heart and behavior.

 The fear that I would only make things worse was based on a false assessment; the parasite looked like a wound that needed to be healed. In fact it was something I needed to get rid of.  In Christianized language it is called deliverance. The dream showed me I needed to address the issues that had gotten “under my skin”. What was “bugging” me?

Now, there are many who have much to say on the subject of deliverance.  Personally, I believe Jesus can deliver anyone from anything anyway he wants to. I see in scripture, He was often quite private, to the source, no big fan fare, no big fee. I believe if Jesus reveals it in a way you can grasp; He will enable you to be free of it. He will supply all that’s needed for freedom.

I was invited to a deliverance meeting with these 2 super-anointed folks I’d never heard of. They demanded 5 thousand dollars up front, hotel accommodations, and bottled water from France among other things. I didn’t go. I am not against these things, I have a problem with it being demanded rather than offered. The friend of mine that put up the money, who had no title or position, wasn’t even granted a private audience with them. They promised quick fixes, and fast results. That is very popular in our microwave society. Americans want it fast and we want it now.

Where is that in the Bible? I don’t recall Jesus ever negotiating where he would go for a fee. He went where he was led by His Father; He said what the Father said. I think some grateful people simply wanted to give, out of cheerful hearts, because they had received so much. Actually, I think that people who have received grace would rather err on the side of generosity.

You don’t hear “how much can you get by on?” coming from those folks. It’s more like, “Freely we’ve received and freely we give”.

The dream lingered as some dreams do, coming and going through my thoughts and days.

In the meantime, life was happening. I had a big surgery that I was recovering from. Now maybe it was because I found myself in a very limited needy place, or maybe I am just feeling the swings of hormonal adjustments, but I have become very sensitive to the demands on my life.

I have become even more aware of the people who place those demands on my life.

I read an incredible book, “Boundaries”, by Cloud & Townsend. It made me acutely aware of the boundaries of my life, or rather; the lack of them. I did not know how to set boundaries very well. I was an easy target for manipulation and guilt trips. It took me awhile to understand that although I had a desire to help; to really help; sometimes I actually was nothing more than an enabler. OUCH!

Many of us who have been through the rigors of full time ministry know what it feels like to have people tugging at your heart with overwhelming needs, real needs.

After my ordination in Germany, I was actually told by a lady that, now that I was a “co-pastor”, I couldn’t have “favorites” in the congregation. My closest friends needed to be of similar title and position. Well, I just could not imagine God requiring me to give up my prayer partners; they were my dearest friends, closer to me than my own family at that time. I fasted and prayed. I was willing to do whatever was required; albeit tearfully.

 I laid my loved ones down at His feet.

I felt like God showed me something those many years ago, in His word.

 He had best friends!  Jesus would hang out, eat, and spend the night with Lazarus and his 2 sisters, Mary and Martha. They didn’t make it to the “top 12”, they weren’t titled, and they were simply his small group of friends.

The Bible’s shortest verse says, Jesus wept. Well, that’s what you do when friends weep, you cry too. Then he called Lazarus out of the tomb. That takes a real friend, to call you out of the grave when you have been “pronounced” dead. Thank God I have some friends like that!

Real people in ministry or not, need real friends in their life. Part of loving yourself is to allow oneself to receive the love of God through people. When someone gives a compliment, it’s really God, loving you through that person. I am learning to just say thank-you.

There is a mindset that says to take care of yourself is selfish.  It may sounds nuts, but I felt the drain of the “shellfish” parasite was symbolic of the religious sounding rhetoric that would prefer to  have people burn-out, lose their health, their family time, especially personal time, calling it “selfish”. It reeks of legalistic parasites.

 Not only is it not selfish; it is an act of love. God’s word says to love others as you love yourself. Only later, when I would feel as though someone had opened me up and drained all the oil out of my engine did I realize that there are some people who can feed off of you until you’re completely depleted and they will only want more.  They move on to a new host to feed the addiction, the co-dependency, moving on at the scent of fresh blood.

My Father calls it a “Welfare Mentality”. He said it creates “freeloaders” that begin to feel “entitled” rather than grateful. Well at 82, and years of Pastoral experience, I pay attention to what my Dad says.

FREELOADERS ….

I kept hearing that word in my mind and decided to look it up. I then looked it up in the thesaurus. To my amazement the word parasite came up! I remembered my dream. This couldn’t be a coincidence.

When a person gives out of need or grudgingly, this is the tell tale sign that it is not giving the way God designed. The Word says that God loves a cheerful giver. I am beginning to think the warm cheerful feeling is a measurable fruit that believers get to experience when giving in tune with God and His leading. I think the fruit of giving grudgingly or out of necessity leads to, forgive the pun, misgivings.

“The joy of the Lord is our strength”

Misguided giving is draining.

Giving of yourself, your money, time, talents, substance, ideas, gifts, etc, when it is not out of a cheerful heart is draining! Furthermore; it can actually turn a needy person into something God never designed any of us to be! It demotes people from free to freeloaders; parasites that suck the life and strength out of the host.

The misguided giver becomes an enabler!  The enabler sends an unspoken message that says “you need me to make it”!

The needy person is turned from a friend in need to being persuaded that they can’t make it with-out regular infusions from the host. Both the giver and the taker are harmed. The lack of joy in this type of misguided giving saps our strength and makes us easy targets for the enemy. The enemy of our souls simply waits patiently while we get weaker and weaker from the parasites we are host to. It’s a set up for disaster and it looks so holy, so virtuous! I know so many mothers that totally drain themselves giving to their family, all the while unwittingly training them to forever be dependent! Kids get to college not knowing how to cook, do their own laundry or manage their money.

This dream has caused me to examine myself and my own giving. I found that the Lord has exposed some misguided giving on my part. Giving that was not led of God yields rotten  fruit and actually undermines the recipient! Furthermore, responsibility rests not only on the taker, but also on the giver.

In the face of needs, real needs, it takes strength to say NO!  This has been quite difficult for me, I confess.

 It may take even greater courage to say YES!   It has amazed me the tight fisted grip that some believers have on money.

 It’s like they would rather face God explaining why they gave too little than dare have to explain why they gave too much!

What if the boy with the little lunch of fish and bread had that attitude? He simply gave it all. I think he was probably hungry, but I’ll have to ask him that when I meet him.

I wish I could say with some assurance the Lord won’t require that much from us. I just do not believe it. Even now people in my own family have experienced a loss of a home due to foreclosure, lay-offs, and dwindling retirement accounts that were once a source of financial peace.

In the face of overwhelming needs, God has said NOT TO GIVE GRUDGINGLY OR OUT OF NESSESITY!  It’s a warning!  Watch out! Do not give if your heart isn’t filled with the peaceable fruit of joy and do not give just because there is a need! It is my belief that when we do, we miss God and place ourselves in the position of “Me, myself, I am the provider” rather than dependence on Jehovah Jirah, our provider!! We become enablers, who feed a welfare mentality, converting people created in the image of God into freeloaders, i.e.: parasites.

Since the dream, I have cried and prayed and been granted the courage to do some confronting. It has been hard, but it has gone well. There are some that I no longer feel allowed to give to, and others that I will do more for. I realize that I have been a contributor to some welfare mentalities. I have done them no service.  I pray that God in his grace will undo the damage I have done. I pray for the courage to obey. I pray for the guidance of cheerfulness in giving. The joy of the Lord, (not my joy, His!) really is my strength!

I feel even more committed to giving as outlined in the word of God.

He doesn’t need money. He is in hot pursuit of the heart.

I pray that when it comes to clear instructions in the word, like taking care of our pastors, widows, orphans, the hungry, the imprisoned and the sick, that cheerful giving would be enjoyed.

 I am so thankful God did not say, what is the least I could give? No! To the contrary He so loved the world that He gave His only son!!!! He gave the best, the greatest gift, freely out of love! He wasn’t interested in creating mindless parasites that just “plugged in to the blood”, He sacrificed to make us free! Free people, created to freely receive and then equipped to freely give!